This week, I had set a goal of losing 3lbs. It's not much, but when I've been having weeks where I don't lose, or barely lose, anything, I felt I needed to step it up. When I stepped on the scales this morning, I was so happy to discover that I had indeed lost 3lbs.! I have now lost 35lbs, so only (only...sheesh...that should be reserved for when I have like 5lbs. left) 72 more to go. The closer I get to my goal weight of 150, the more I want to go beyond that. I'm worried that I won't ever be satisfied. Is it human nature to never be perfectly content with everything? I'm afraid that I'll always find things on my body I don't like (like my chin...it's NEVER bothered me until now).
With the weight loss comes other issues, such as the fact that my chest is no longer as big as it once was. This was so graciously pointed out (by a guy, natch), and while I know it's true, I still want reassurance that I'm attractive and wanted.
I saw on People.com this past week that Sarah Rue, a formerly plus-size actress is now a size 6. In my opinion, she was much prettier when she was a little more plump. Yes, maybe it wasn't as healthy, but she just doesn't look like herself at that size. I know you're thinking, "Duh, that's the point", but really...what if I'm like that? I've heard comments like oh, "Don't get too skinny" or "You'll look scary at 150", with that last statement coming from my mother. I know she didn't mean it in a bad way, but really-what if I don't look right at a smaller size?
I know these are a lot of "what ifs", and I'm not even close to my goal yet, but realistically I have to start thinking about what a huge change this is. I've heard of people losing the weight, and yet still mentally thinking they're fat, and even seeing themselves as being bigger than they are. I don't want to be that girl.
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