Finally!

Wow it's been a while since I've written. So much has been going on and I kind of neglected this. First off, I started my new job! Sept. 4 was my first "official" day, but I had to go in the night before to prepare for the next day. I love my job (I'm a supervisor for Aramark, which handles the concessions for UGA games), and I met a lot of awesome people, but BOY is it hard work! Actually the work isn't so hard; it's having to get up at 4:15 a.m. that's hard, and then working 13 hours. I sat down for about 5 minutes 2 different times, and one of the times I did sit down, my boss walked by. Nice, huh? I just smiled and said hi. Why couldn't he have walked by when I was working my ass off?! The only reason I was even sitting down is because the lady I was working with had instructed me to take a break because "you'll get burnt out if you don't." Was she ever right...by the end of the day, my blood sugar got so low that I almost passed out. I'm not a diabetic, but the combination of heat, dehydration (I had been drinking mainly Diet Coke all day, and not once needed to go to the bathroom), and barely eating caught up with me quick. I broke ALL my eating rules and quickly consumed a leftover hot dog. Gross. But at that moment, it was the best tasting thing I'd ever had, so I really didn't care. I felt better after that, and was able to finish my duties with no problems. I learned a few valuable lessons that day, though. 1-I definitely have to eat more. For breakfast I had just eaten a 100-calorie granola bar. Not the smartest idea. Now I know to eat some protein-I'll probably make a quick breakfast egg mug of low-fat cheese, turkey sausage, and egg whites, along with a piece of wheat toast. 2-I HAVE to drink water, and lots of it! Diet Coke tasted good, sure, but offered nothing to my body whatsoever. 3-Shoes can be your best friend or your worst enemy. I wore Nike Shox, and those things are BITCHES. They are NOT comfortable. My feet ached all day, to the point where I was almost in tears. My dad felt bad about it, and went and bought me a new pair of Asics (which are supposedly really comfortable) this week. I know after being on my feet for 13 hours that they will hurt some, but hopefully they'll keep my feet a little more comfortable.

Enough about the job, though. My weight has pretty much held steady. I'm still down 35lbs. This frustrates me beyond belief sometimes. I try so hard, and then nothing happens. This past week, I definitely ate more, though. I was constantly starving, and while I didn't eat "bad" foods, I ate more of the healthy stuff than I should have. By the end of the week, though, I had gotten beyond that.

I had a complete and utter meltdown on Friday night. It wasn't pretty, and yes, I'm ashamed. My mom and I had dinner with my grandfather and his fiancee, and then she and I went shopping afterward. We went to Kohl's, with the intent of buying dresses to wear to my grandfather's wedding in October. My mom and I both tried on this cute dress, her in the solid purple one, and me in the purple/white/black version. I didn't like the way it looked on me at all, but it was adorable on her, so she got it! In.a.freaking.SMALL. Ugh lol. I had also picked out this ADORABLE lacy strapless black and cream-colored dress. The largest size they had-a 16-would not zip up. I was devastated. It was one of the smaller-fitting brands (Elle) that Kohl's carries, but that still didn't make me feel any better. Mom tried to make me feel better by saying that it probably wasn't an appropriate dress for the wedding anyway, but I argued that I could've worn a jacket over it and it would have been. Once we got out in the car, I burst into tears. I said some choice words, and it definitely didn't help the situation. Not being able to fit into the dress made me realize how far I still have to go. 35lbs. is a lot of weight to the average person, but to someone who's as overweight as I am, it's really just a drop of rain in a huge lake. I still have 72lbs. to lose before I reach my "healthy" goal, and 20 more lbs. after that before I reach my "vanity" goal. I won't mind not reaching the vanity goal, but the healthy goal is one that I have no choice but to reach. My short-term goal of the moment is to hit 50lbs. lost before my grandfather's wedding on Oct. 23. I'm only 15lbs. away from that. To be have lost 50lbs. would be huge to me.

I want to end this post on a positive note, I promise. For all the whining I did about not being able to fit into things, I did have some victories on Sat. night. My mom and I went to Old Navy, and I got THE cutest faux-fur vest. I've never wanted something like that, but it was cheap (only $25) and I figured I could wear it with several things this fall. My current obsession is button-down shirts. I've never liked them until here recently, and now I can't get enough! Old Navy has a ton of new ones out (I got a longer tunic one last night, and it's beyond adorable!), all at reasonable prices. Now all I have to do is find a darned dress for that wedding!!