I've been needing to get this out for a while, so I'm going to go ahead. This is an open letter to an ex-boyfriend. I'm pretty sure he'll never see it, but there's a lot that I wish I could say to him, just for closure's sake.
Life's changed so much for the both of us, and I really hope your life is happy. Mine is getting better every day, but not sure you'd even care. What I really want to tell you is this: I wasn't in a good place in my life when I met you, and I wish you could see the person I am today. The woman I am today is still self-conscious about her looks, but she's losing weight and becoming more confident with every pound shed. The woman I am today isn't afraid her man is cheating on her with someone else. I'm no longer feeling like I have to say "I love you" two or three days into a relationship just because a guy says it (and the guys I associate with don't just jump into something that quickly!). I'm no longer having panic attacks from merely going to the grocery store (even though I still despise it!) or worrying about my boyfriend not calling me all weekend. I still enjoy taking care of a guy; I thought after our relationship ended I would never do a thing for another man, but I can't change that part of my being. The biggest-and most important!-thing I want you to know is that your comments about my weight (when you were obviously VERY overweight) only gave me more fuel to succeed, and for that I thank you. I'm no longer the weak, scared, lonely, depressed, fat girl you once loved and called your girlfriend (and yet talked to other women behind my back...ha how funny). I'm a strong, happy, smiley, cheerful, and not-quite-as-fat girl who no longer wants you!
Okay, so that probably sounded a little childish, but sometimes you just have to get things off your chest. Happy note since I last posted-I'm down 38 (almost 39!) lbs.! I am kicking it up big time, because I have a month before my grandfather's wedding, and I want to be down 50lbs. by then!
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