DWF-Dating While Fat. I know that sounds like such a weird thing to start out with, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. There seems to be two distinct type of guys-guys who have no problem dating a bigger chick, and guys who won't even give us bigger chicks a chance. My problem is, the guys that like me, I usually don't like, and the ones that I like, don't like me. I've had boyfriends, sure, and even said those 3 scary little words to a couple of guys, but for one reason or another it hasn't worked out. I've been told by a guy friend that I'm too picky. Do I not have a right to be picky when it comes to choosing someone I could potentially spend the rest of my life with? I will say this, the guy that said that, I've liked for years. He and I have went round and round about dating. There's been many a tear shed during (thanks PMS) certain phone conversations about him not wanting to date me. I think I hear only what I want to sometimes. I hear "I don't want you because you're fat." What's he really saying? "I'm not dating you because we live 2+ hours apart and I have full custody of my son and therefore have little time to pursue you." My head knows that that's logical, but my heart doesn't always understand that. A small part of me wonders how it's going to be when I'm fit (and foxy! haha), and if he'll suddenly change his mind. We talk a lot (going over my cell phone minutes is proof of that!), but the talks aren't what they used to be a few months ago simply because my whole outlook on things has changed since I began this lifestyle transformation. A person can only take rejection so much before they move on. I think it almost bothers him that I'm not as into him as much as I was, but I refuse to be a 25 year old WOMAN chasing after a man like some high school girl.
Back in April when I made this commitment to losing weight and leading a healthier lifestyle, I also made a commitment to staying single. There's been a couple of guys who I thought there might be potential with for more, but they got tossed in the friendship pile before it got serious because I just couldn't let myself fall for anyone right now. It's almost like I see guys as obstacles in the way of my goal(s). I know too many women who've started dating someone and then let themselves go. A good friend of mine started dating someone right after she'd lost about 60lbs., and promptly gained it all back due to poor eating habits. I think with your partner, it's great if you reach the level of comfort that you can be makeup-free and hair a mess, but don't you want to live a healthy and long life together? I want someone who encourages me, but doesn't criticize, someone who's my biggest cheerleader...yet at the same time sees me as a person, not some number on a scale.
I like that you're making a full commitment to yourself before men! I think that's a great way. I struggle a lot with confidence issues and I think certain aspects of my relationship would be different if I loved myself more. Loving yourself is most important (and will make the RIGHT guy fall in love with you)!
ReplyDeleteThat being said...being in a serious relationship tends to bring along the weight gain. I was much thinner 5 years ago when I first starting dating the hubby. You eat out so much more and probably drink more (at least that was my case). Now, 5 years later and metabolism slowing quickly, I'm still trying to get back to that weight.
I agree about the relationship thing and being thinner before hand. i want to lose weight, chase says i look fine, but i want to do it for myself. i want to wear a bikini without flab man! hehe :P. but yeah when we started dating we would eat dominoes and fast food all the time and i gained like 20 pounds through all this. then he saw me trying to lose it so he tries to jog with me now, he wants to get six pack abs hehe lol :)
ReplyDeleteKristin, isn't it crazy that we're 25?! At 18, I don't think any of us were thinking about our metabolism slowing down and weight being hard to keep off. We've been out of high school for SEVEN years now...scary. Thanks for the encouragement about staying single. Guys don't always understand it, but it's something I have to do for myself.
ReplyDeleteKarina, are we getting a vain boyfriend?;) He's pretty fit, though, so it shouldn't be hard for him! That's awesome that you're motivating him:). I couldn't tell that you had gained any at all.